Adieu 2012....

'tis the annual turning of the calendar...and much has changed.

No need to review the year; plenty of others will do just that.

No need to preview the next; I make no predictions because our world is now too volatile and unpredictable.

I make no resolutions; they are too easy to break or forget.

We simply continue along on the path we've been traveling...making adjustments to the navigation as needed.

I hope that 2013 finds you, my readers and friends, in a place that you are happy and comfortable...the whole year through.

Christmas Eve Ramblings....

for me tonight.

Tonight I think on all that has happened, in just the past few months.  These things...things I was (and still am) wholly unprepared for...taunt me.  The fact I am a perpetual researcher only makes these things worse.

Youngest screamer was recently diagnosed with a heart defect...nothing overly serious, yet.  It has the potential to become serious, therefore requires monitoring for the rest of his life.  This, though I found myself not prepared for it, has not been the worst news handed down lately.

My father, not the world's best parent but certainly the better of the two I have, was diagnosed last week with small cell lung cancer.  Talk about a blow.  Pops is normally a healthy guy but has been battling a "lung infection" since the beginning of November.  Doc finally got worried enough about it to order extra tests when Pops presented with a 27lb (17%) weigh loss in a 3 week time period.

Sometimes, knowing too much is a bad thing.  The siblings are blissfully unaware as of yet as to the seriousness of the situation because they aren't like me...they don't research and they aren't here to see the VERY prominent changes in Pops (they've not seen him since August).  I know I should wait until Pops' appointment with the oncologist in January before I start getting gung-ho...but it's not in my nature.  So now I sit, with researched and firsthand knowledge, and wonder...when do I tell them that January 9th may not be a rosy day?

Pops stayed here at the 'Stead this past weekend to mind pups, kittahs and chickens for us while we visited the siblings and in-laws in KY.  I took him home today...the 1.5 hour drive was not in any way, shape or form comfortable for him as he has been having rather sharp pains in the area the main tumor is located for a couple of weeks but has not said anything to anyone until I (being the alien child) blasted him with questions last night upon our arrival home.  You see, we were in KY when he got the news...Mom called to tell me, then proceeded to have me inform my siblings.  Coward.

And so I sit, with the knowledge that next year has the potential to be the most life changing year of my 35 years, and I try to make myself embrace the holiday cheer that my children are oozing.  Maybe after I finally have that good, long cry that has been building since last Thursday.  Maybe.

Hadn't Really Talked About It....

with you lot yet at least.

The 'Stead, though we do like it a lot and adore our neighbors, is likely not to be ours.  The VA requires certain things for loans, the 'Stead does not have these things and they are mighty pricey to be getting.  Top those matters off with Tanker's ever decreasing ability to navigate parts of the house (i.e. stairs) and you have us in a position of "should we or no."

We're leaning to the no.  We have until early August of next year to decide for absolute certain.  However, the decision is pretty well made in every way.  It's beginning to look a lot like KY will again become home.  I'm sad only at the thought of leaving the school the screamers are in...they are the most fantastic people in the teaching profession I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.  I can only hope wherever we settle has a school half as good.

So now the search for new jobs for me has taken on a different dimension.  A multi-State search now.

I suppose, barring the Mayan Apocalypse, that next year will be interesting in more ways than I had originally thought now.

What a Crazy Idea....

a friend and I were privately chatting on FB (she's still mostly sheeple...just to set the scene) and she asks me about this whole fiscal cliff mess (her knowing I am of the tin hat wearing sort) and how the annual Holiday break those folks in D.C. take might work out.

"It won't," says me.
"Aren't they supposed to stay and finish this kind of stuff?" says she.
"LMAO...seriously ROTFLMFAO," says me.
"I'm serious," says she.
"Oh...well, they really should but let's be honest: THIS COUNTRY HAS BEEN OPERATING WITHOUT A BUDGET FOR NEARLY 4 YEARS...why worry about it now, I mean...what's a little fiscal cliff at this point, right?" says me, full on interwebz shouting. "It was a nice thought though."
"Really?  I didn't know," she admits.

Guess which team she voted for.

Le Sigh.

At any rate, the convo continued with her wondering why we Americans don't do something about the lack of cooperation between everyone in D.C. and me telling her the problem IS everyone in D.C.  Blah, blah, blahditty, blah.  You know how it goes from there...I become that crazy, paranoid, tin foil wearing nutjob that she still adores even though I'm not all there.  Thanks for the talk, Cindy Lou Who...here's your water and a pat on the head.  Have a candy cane and celebrate the downfall of our country.

Moving on.

The good news of the month (thus far) is that Tanker finally got himself a little Marlin .22 he's been wanting and mostly got his 20 gauge in working order.  Also picked up a compound bow at a local pawn shop completely decked out with bells and whistles.  I got jealous, so went and found me a nice little PSE at BassPro.    Note to self:  Need more arrows.  Yeah, and not the fiberglass kind that shatter on impact when you're retooling your sights and aim too high (oh, hello oak tree).  Second note to self:  Next time just use those damned annoying roosters as targets.  Two birds, one arrow.

Speaking of roosters...the flock isn't as rooster full as previously thought.  Though I am feeding more than I need.  They aren't big enough for eating yet, so have to wait on that pleasure.  Not that it matters...the two causing the biggest ruckus in the flock are bantams...not even worth the time it would take to pluck.  I've been trying to get rid of them but no takers as of yet.  I've also been toying with the idea of adding to the flock now, instead of next spring. Have to get the coop moved first and find a little solar light to go out in it (stupid chickens won't go back in if there's not light but do just fine without it once they're in).

And the final bit o' news from the 'Stead....we've added another family member....of the 4 legged variety.  A deaf white cat that was originally named Fiona.  Now named Finn.  Poor Finn, called him Fiona for a couple of days...guess it's a good thing he couldn't hear us, right?

That's about it for now...back to work tomorrow night at McD's...still hoping to find something either better paying or closer to home.  Both would be a bonus.

A Little Taste...

of the mild insanity that I live with...granted video is a couple of years old...things have not calmed down.  Things have not changed much except the screamers are of larger build now.  This, folks, is my life.



And yes, that's me FB...and no, I don't randomly friend anyone.  'Tis set to private except for the things I want the world to see.  Like this.  It tends to keep people away apparently.

Job Huntin'....Again

Yes, I still have the job at McD's...but let's face it...I'm the breadwinner now and minimum wage ain't winning bread.  I've not worked since mid-October due to a SURPRISE pregnancy followed promptly by an even bigger SURPRISE miscarriage.  No worries, I'm alright with it (mentally and physically) as I had zero time to even get excited or think about the prospect of another screamer roaming the world.  However, it did require some leave from work.

Top that joyous fun of with taking youngest screamer to the doc late last month for a random cough/cold/bug thing only to get told "hey, I'm sending you to a Pediatric Cardiologist"...good times folks, good times.  Of course, now we're in a rush to get everything with youngest screamer squared away before the TriCare runs out at the end of March and my crappy McD's insurance kicks in.  I should point out here, I will be working for insurance and gas money only if I don't find something better.

On average, a good full paycheck runs about $326 or so (give or take $50) every 2 weeks...insurance will run me $157.52 every 2 weeks...gas about $60 or so (depending on price fluctuations, etc) every two weeks.  That leaves less than $110 every two weeks to pay bills and get groceries.  You see, working for insurance...this will be the theme song of the country soon.  Oh and I should point out also....this is the minimum amount of coverage I can opt for.  Which also means co-pays on EVERYTHING and huge, massive deductibles.  The fun just keeps rolling on in!

But, we're still alive...still standing...and still holding it together.  For that, I'm thankful.

Now, I've got to go make a list of folks to call after the holiday so all checkups (eyes and ears for the blind and deaf in the house) can be done and done before all hell breaks loose.

Happy "We've Come to Convert You Savages" Day...or as most of you know it....Happy Thanksgiving!!


MATURE CONTENT....NOT SAFE FOR WORK (but funny as hell).

Over Two Years Ago....

I posted this (cue wiggly lines and flashback style music):

Just a Little Reminder

I'm sure a few readers thought I was crazy to the extreme.  Think I'm still crazy?  Okay, so I am crazy but that is totally beside the point.

These past two years have been the LONGEST of my life...so far.  I have the distinct feeling that the next few are going to be even longer.

Off to stoke the fire then steal the covers from Tanker...night all.

October Surprise Arrived Late

Just in case you aren't following or hearing:

Operation Pillar of Cloud (from inside Gaza)

From Al Jazeera News

And of course, CNN and BBC have reports (heavy on the "oh poor Israel side).

There is your October Surprise Arrived Late folks.  Care to wager on how this will play out for the US of A?

Preaching to the Choir...

in hopes that someone not part of the choir will stumble in.

You'd have to blind to not see the division in this country...too many are, unfortunately.  The people of the States filling petitions for secession are part of the voice ignored by the government.  The election was not a "landslide" as I've heard from many MSM sources...a landslide would indicate that O received well over 50% of the vote...he did not.

My Facebook feed has been burning up with sniping comments from one side to the other (and visa versa) and it's disturbing to see my somewhat normal friends become venomous bile spewing fanatics.  It brings that country wide division into glaring focus.

I've attempted to keep my comments to a minimum...not really posting for one side or the other as I fully believe both are wrong (p.s.  I deplore the 2 party good ol' boy system).  I've watched with increasing dismay as my friends have rather brutally verbally attacked one another...and it has served to strengthen my resolve.

This, my dear readers, is no time to become lax or complacent. Winter is harsh enough without these issues and divisions...this winter looks to be harsher still.  Once the holiday season has passed, I look for much of the country to lose its mind all over again.  I could be wrong but the ball of foreboding in the pit of my stomach makes the possibilities difficult to ignore.

Oh Really!?!

An affair, eh?

Petraeus resigns over affair

Two thoughts here....1.) there is WAY, WAY, WAY more and 2.) is there a way we can get the rest of them (ie guberment) to do the same thing?

Happy, Happy...Joy, Joy....

no, not over that which shall not be discussed (ie the thing that happened yesterday...it's all the rage on MSM right now if you don't know what it is).

Happy/Joy over the fact that we are sooooo much closer to being debt-free now (thought the credit scores took a knock last month while waiting on the pay to come in).  Went from $40k+ in debt to less than $20k.  If all goes well, that will be halved again by the end of the year.  If all does not go well over the next few weeks, miserly me will once again be squeezing pennies 'til they scream out for mercy in order to keep our feet under us.  It has to be done...it must be done...and it has got to be done soon (due to the results of the thing that shall not be discussed and that thing called a fiscal cliff).

Still waiting on the VA letter so we can file some paperwork with DFAS (military pay crap for those that don't know) in order to get the taxes back that they took out of Tanker's NON-TAXABLE severance pay.  Going to be cutting close on that as everyone knows how fast the VA moves and the paperwork has to be filed by the end of the year.  If not, kiss that $7k adieu...NOT something I want to be doing.

Now that we're set to pull through the winter with everything (except milk 'cause no cow or eggs because the peepers aren't laying yet) and have all the things Tanker wanted/needed in the tool/large gnarly chainsaws with more power (grunt, grunt, grunt) area, I'm turning my eye to expanding on the flock and getting the field fenced in to keep future cow out of the backyard and out of the future orchard.  Still sad I missed out on all the fall sales of orchard stock though.  Lowe's didn't even have anything in the "help they're killing me" section.  Sigh.  Oh and keeping my eye out for a deep freeze...please don't open the freezer on the fridge, I don't think the insurance will cover broken appendages caused by falling frozen foods.

And now I'm off to attempt some sleep...tomorrow is likely to put me under!

A Month in the Dirt...

okay, so not the whole month but it sure feels like it!

Spent the past few weeks working on the land, trying to figure out what to do with all the useless "they're so pretty" flowers that are around.  It's like the previous owner just saw a pretty flower/tree/whatever and planted it with no regard to future maintenance.  Took me two days to cut out all the blasted wisteria that had gone wild with no one to check it.  Don't worry, the pretties are still there...somewhat.  But right now I'm sitting on 395 daffodil bulbs, 273 iris rhizomes (they HAD to be moved) and the mighty deity only knows how many daylilies.  I mean really now.  Sigh.

As it is, we're all readjusting to civilian life...Tanker's last day was the 19th, so still holding out hopes that all that lovely pay will hit before the election so we can finish up at least filling out the pantry.  Kids are getting used to being able to actually go outside and play...in a real yard...with real trees they can climb and imaginations are welcome.

Me?  Other than playing in the dirt, I've been busy with getting things ready to pay off a MASSIVE amount of our debt along with planning the garden (raised beds due to the fact that the dirt is really only about 6 inches deep then BAM...rock) and making a list of the bazillion and one things that we need to fix/have/get to get this place as self-sufficient as quickly as possible while keeping in mind Tanker's limitations and my own.  Oh and throw looking for work closer to home.  Can't justify a 45 minute drive anymore.

And now I'm running off again...this time for some sleep as next week is shaping up to be a doozy (along with the week after).  Night all!

Just Checking In...

Figured I'd let you know we're still kicking here.  School and work are on hold for me due to a random tendons injury that needs time to heal.

Still waiting on Tanker's orders and the pay that will give us the jump start we so desperately want and need before election time...just feel the need to be sure we will be alright this winter....mainly because we've both lost faith in humanity in general.

Hope all is well in the blogosphere...will be working hard here to get things moving along so won't be around as much.

Verdict is In...

got back Tanker's percentages from the Army and the VA.  Of course, he got screwed.  10% from the Army which means a lump sum payout, no insurance, no etc.  30% from the VA that will only pay at 20% until the lump sum payout from the Army is paid back (I did the math...16.5 years).  We can't do much about the Army one as the wording in all of his paperwork from downrange is what tapped that one into place...wording in which a certain PA makes himself a complete ass but still manages to screw Tanker over big time.

The VA one we can fight at anytime, so (even though it may eventually pan out to be a mistake) Tanker signed off on it.  He's done with the politics in the Army.  We'll take the lump sum, pay off bills, get a jump start on getting things done around the 'Stead that were going to have to wait and fight with the VA from the outside.

I officially will no longer be slinging burgers on the 21st...clinical hours with the schooling will be no joke and frankly the job isn't going to pay enough to even cover gas (now that it's marching back up toward $4 a gallon).  I'm good with that though.  Word in the neighborhood is that applying for a seasonal position at the local State nursery is a good option...will be looking into that shortly.

And now I'm off to sling burgers for 6.5 hours...yay?

Here Chickie, Chickie...

and it begins!!

Most of the stuff is moved over to the new place, with the exception of the kitchen and couch.  I'm trying to temper Tanker on taking it all as we've yet to get the fundage together for a full on utility switch over.  Deposits on the electric alone are going to run close to $300, then figure in propane at $1.69 gallon with a minimum order of 100 gallons...ouch.

But he's set on being out of here and off post ASAP.  Wants to have everything out at the 'Stead by the time he takes leave next month.  I don't really disagree; but there is that whole not having electric and gas thing which could present a little bit of an issue.  As it is, I've been neglectful in assisting Tanker with packing...the kitchen is my job (le sigh) and I've been informed that I should be getting started on it.

Sooooo, as a little self-motivation, I've struck a deal with an acquaintance that will result in my being the proud owner of 25 (yes, 25) three week old chicks by the end of next week.  Can't really have them here on post (boy wouldn't that be a hilarious explanation to the MP next door) and can't leave them unattended at the new place, so I shall get to cracking at what must be done in an effort to at least have 98% of the apartment relocated to the house.

That adventure begins Thursday, as tomorrow I go to finagle with some financial types in the hopes of obtaining a (oh good gravy) short term loan (no, not payday type) in an effort to speed along this dog, cat and chicken show.  It'll mean me having to hold on to the job until at least early December (unless by some miracle of any deity Tanker gets a percentage back from the VA before then...please, please, please) to be sure said loan is a goner before the new year.  So if you pray, pray...if you send positive thoughts/vibes, send 'em...I'm sure going to need them over the next little bit.

Moot...

we've discovered that me working is moot, for certain...unless I ONLY work on nights I have school since I'll be up that direction anyway.  That's 2 nights a week...it'll pay for my gas to and from class at least.

100 miles round trip to work for $7.25 hr with no guarantee of a full shift simply is not worth it...not even in my rice burner.  Used 1/4 tank of gas going to and from on Saturday when we spent the night over at the homestead in an effort to get some of the yard/pasture/fixing broke things work done.

So I've let them know at work that I'm only available after class on the days I have class...should be interesting to see how that schedule works out.  Just as well anyway, since I have the feeling that I'll be needing to concentrate pretty darn hard on studying all the extra stuff that class won't cover fully.  I'm good with it.

Spent a little time at the 'Stead (really have to come up with a name for it) today painting and unpacking a little.  Flock of wild turkeys and a flock of bobwhites paid me a visit in the front pasture...right in the same area that the chickens (and turkeys and geese...if I can convince Tanker I NEED them) will be eventually.  Should make for an interesting spring!

Possible Interesting Development...

at work the other night...sort of got approached by a manager about taking up a management position.  I didn't say no, I also didn't say yes.  Management at a fast food chain has never really been in my plans...let's face it though, going back to work at McD's after leaving it 12+ years ago was never really in my plans.  They (aka management) know my classes and clinicals will take a lot of time away from work and that I plan on quitting once we're out on the place because the drive is not worth it...so I'm not real sure where this offer came from.  Don't know if it was said manager's frustration at the idiocy that was occurring at the time with the younger workers or if it was a legit offer.  Time will tell I suppose...will wait to see if the higher ups actually come to me with the question.  Though they have previously asked if I thought I might be interested...the whole thing has me wondering all in all.

As it is, there is plenty on the plate for the next couple of months anyway.  Moving, getting settled, getting to work on setting up the place as much as we can as fast as we can...all of which takes $$; which takes us back to the whole question of should I quit or should I stay.  Vicious flippin' circle, I tell ya.

I'm seriously just flat out undecided on the whole thing.  The dreamer/idealist in me says quit and focus on school and the homestead.  The realist in me says we need the money to get things rolling quickly and it's possible for me to do it all until there is a scheduling conflict with clinicals and work.  Add to all of the above the fact that I know how difficult it is to find a job period and there is no guarantee that I will find something in the field after I'm done with the EMT courses.  I suppose I can always just ask for a leave of absence until I'm done if it gets to be too much then pick up where I left off at McD's until something comes along for me as an EMT.

Le Sigh...being grown up is over-rated...decisions pertaining to the well being of family and home suck.

Keys in Hand...

makes for a happy Momma and a happy Tanker.

Screamers aren't thrilled with the idea of real and true manual labor, but they'll get used to it.  They are in love with their new school; which starts tomorrow.  That means a 30 minute commute morning and afternoon until we're IN the new place but rather have them start the year there than have to join in a month later.

Yard work starts this weekend...drought killed or severely damaged a bunch of the greenery the landlord had planted and some of it just plain needs to be moved or be gone period.  There is a passion fruit (or maypop depending on where you're from) on one side of the house that has gone absolutely insane and is popping up ALL over the yard...want to keep it but need to get it under control somehow.

Off to call the electric, gas and phone companies about transferring and deposits!  On our way!!

Downright Giddy...

keys to the new place will (or should) be in hand by next weekend...plans are to move stuff from here to there a little at a time over the month of September (between my work and all the school stuff) and be in place full time before the end of the month.

For those wondering, we're staying in the area...just buying a little place about 25 minutes from post.  Tanker will commute in everyday, I'll commute in for classes twice a week.  I'll be dropping the McD's gig around the end of September (if not sooner) due to having to start clinical hours and the drive to work (45 minutes) not being worth the pay or hours...not with gas prices on the rise.

Tanker is beyond thrilled...we spent two hours walking around Lowe's this evening and he's chomping at the bit to hit up the local farm good stores and do some pricing on stuff.  Plus there's all the garden planning he's been doing.  Nothing is solid with any of it, of course, as we've still got to test the soil and decide where what will go and when...but the whole dreaming and planning thing is doing him some good.

And now I'm off to catch some sleep...interview tomorrow that if it pans out will give me an early exit from the world of fast food!  Fingers crossed!!

Sorry...

I've been such a Debby Downer lately...it really needs to stop 'cause whiny gets you nowhere (to quote myself when speaking to the screamers).

So instead, today, I'll share plans and ask you...folks that have listened to me whine for entirely too long...to opine with me.

I'm considering doing some seed bombing in the pasture this fall (4.5 acres of it...untouched in the past 4+ years...back 1/2 acre full of blackberries and is where the orchard will be eventually btw).  If it were you, in a Zone 5b micro-climate, what would you bomb with?  I don't want to seed the whole thing, just be kind of random with it.  Don't know what I'm talking about...check this video out.

Yeah, we plan on visiting the Ag Extension office before we get into any major endeavors; so the bombing would just mainly be a little boost to hopefully provide a little extra forage for the only animals we'll have in place before next spring:  chickens (and maybe turkeys...even though Tanker thinks I'm nuts).

And there you have it...opine away!

P.S.  This one will set the computer type drones off....bomb and nuts in the same post.  bwahahahahahaha

One Step Forward....

well, you know the rest.

Been scrambling hard to pull together the fundage to get into the new place thanks to the whole "hey, we overpaid you and we're taking it back now" thing.  Add to that stressor the landlady implying that she'd be more than happy if we backed out because she's "had several offers" on the place.  Um, you have a good faith deposit...why was it still listed?

Throw into the mix that Tanker pretty well acknowledged yesterday having PTSD but not wanting to do anything about it right now as it will set his MEB back...but he told his 1st Line (the SGT that is "in charge" of him who just so happens to be a Medic by trade) that he just wanted to be left alone and not be required to do the fun day things that they have the WTU do because he just doesn't like people anymore and crowds contain people.  Way to throw up a red flag...but honestly, I do hope they have him see someone even if it delays the paperwork.  I can't make him, but they can.  He's a sensitive (not that way), easy to stress guy and I've been privy to only a few things he experienced downrange...very little of it good.  I know it's affecting him more than he let's on.  Especially when he's said quite a few times lately that he's glad the eldest screamer is deaf and the youngest screamer's eyesight isn't the greatest because it means they are/will likely be exempt from service.  Definitely not the same Hooah guy he was pre-deployment.

On a lighter note...this upcoming move is letting me get a better idea of things to keep, things to sell and things to just toss.  I do have to point out however that we Americans love walls...even when they are useless and take away from the living space in the house.  That's one thing I miss about the place in Germany...walls had a purpose and weren't merely there to be there.

And now I leave you...gotta get some acceptable clothing on and make a run to UPS and the Post Office...these boxes won't mail themselves!!

Not Liking Humanity Too Much...

at the moment.  Nothing specific really, just a whole lot of little things.  (Warning:  rambling randomness to follow.)

Sheeple; I see them on a daily basis at work.  You want to know how bad America's obsession with fast food is?  Go work at McD's for a month. I've been there about 2 months and know several patrons by name...what they will order...breakfast, lunch, dinner.  It's sad and pathetic.  Switched over to overnights recently and have been dealing with a whole different breed of stupidity.  Drunken fools.  Even more sad and pathetic.

Thankfully the day is rapidly approaching that will be my farewell to McD's.  School for me starts on the 20th, clinical hours start sometime around the end of September/beginning of October...that mean buh-bye to the fast food world (hopefully for good).  No way I'll be attempting clinicals and overnights...plus the 45 minute drive in to make $7.25 an hour (21 or so hours a week) is not worth it.  Not with the lovely price jump in gas the past week or so.

Still set to start the moving off-post process in September...screamers will be starting in the new school next week; which means a 30 minute drive both ways for me but with eldest screamer's special "he's deaf" stuff I'd rather them start the year off at the school they'll be in the whole time.  That drive I don't mind and it's only for a little bit.

Tanker starts class on the 20th as well; not the classes he wanted but he's being ordered to either take classes OR get a part-time job (for which he would not get paid).  The small arms repair internship fell through because of some shady hiring practices going on around post....imagine that, a dirty government agency.

Alas, I shall abandon you with the random ramblings above...my tired eyes require more coffee and I just feel the need to curl up with a good book and ignore the world right now.

Better. Sort Of.

Tanker is more human since realizing that I was right (16 years married and he still hasn't figured out that I'm right 98% of the time) and started some self-helpish stuff.  I'm good with that.  Plus I pointed out that we only have 6 weeks (or so) left living On Post and he perked right up.  Back to planning his garden and outbuildings he has gone.

The Sort Of part is this:  I'm suffering from a pretty rough bout of De Quervain's Tendinitis.  Damn it hurts.  Makes working at McD's living hell.  I can type one handed pretty well; fine motor stuff or lifting/gripping with the right hand...not so much.  I have the feeling it's going to come down to deciding on work or health.  Health will win hands down (no pun intended).  We can make it by (now that the pay issue crap is straightened out) without me working but I've kinda gotten used to having an outside the home job now.  So I continue to look for something else...something more worthwhile (money and gas wise) than the 30 minute drive from the new place to McD's for $7.25 an hour.  So not worth it.

Our little "garden" in the "yard" (seriously...do 5 plants count as a garden?) is producing nicely at the moment...pulled out the first cucumber and the kids when nuts.  You'd have thought it was made of gold, honest.  Going to let things keep going as long as they can then let them go to seed so we can gather up and save those precious heirlooms before "returning the yard to the condition it was received in"...aka WEEDS.

Off to ice the wrist...it's feeling a bit dodgy at the moment.

What Is This!?! (x-post)

Depression, PTSD?

I don't know...the "symptoms" are so similar.  I don't know.

Tanker is not himself 90% of the time.  Crowded places were never really his thing but he used to be able to tolerate them...not any more.  He was the look at the bright side kind of guy once...not any more.  He's sharper now, more easily irritated.  He jumps on the kids quicker, is intolerant of loud noises, more withdrawn.  He's tired but can't sleep...the pain is worse on days when he's most withdrawn.

It isn't to the point where I worry about him and the kids when I go to work, but I do worry about him period.  He seems so hopeless now, so uninterested in things and life in general.

I brought up all of this the other day and he just gave me a blank look.  He doesn't really even notice, I think.

What is THIS!?!

I Have Decided...

to stress a lot less.  Yeah, there will be stress but I shall "be the duck."  I refuse to let monetary issues cause me more stress than they should.  We're broke (not totally but enough to put a damper on things) but ya know what, we aren't starving...there's a roof over our heads...the kids are alright...and those growing ever useless dollars are still coming in.

I let the stress of money issues get to me entirely too much over the past month and haven't at all been myself completely.  Bills will wait while we get back on track.  We'll live through it.  We have before, we will again.

Since I've decided to let it go and just roll with it, I've been way happier.  Back to planning the garden for this fall and next spring.  Back to picking out chicken breeds and debating cows with Tanker.  Back to pointing out that MY plans for a combined single building (chicken coop, cattle barn, greenhouse) is way more cost efficient and practical than HIS plans for individual buildings.  I'm right.  I know it and you can't change my mind.  ;P

Life is clipping along right now...Tanker goes tomorrow for his final NARSUM (military speak for this is what happened to cause this/that/those injuries so don't go saying that the fella had it beforehand) and according to the new MEB (Medical Evaluation Board) policy it SHOULD be back in 45 days (at least the regs say so, but we all know how that goes).  So we're looking for the final percentage from the Army to come back sometime in September (I see ya doing the math...yes, that's more than 45 days; see above comment about how it really goes).  Good timing as we are set to move in to the new place then.  Works for me.

And now I'm off to attempt a little sleep.  Two days off of work and fighting the urge to call in and quit have wiped me out.

Every Little Bit...

supposedly helps; I've been told.

I don't see it right now...feels like the light at the end of the tunnel is a train coming on.  Work is work; 4 and 5 hour shifts that I usually get sent home from about halfway through because they are overmanned.  I swear, if this 1st paycheck breaks $100 I'll be surprised.  Using gas, buying "approved" work shoes...welp, there went that check.

And we're still reeling from being "overpaid" during our move from Germany.  It only took a month for them to get the pay straightened out to begin with while we were forking over tons of cash on things that were supposed to be reimbursed but are now not eligible (Danke, very much).  Then we get the bombshell of "hey, we just realized that we overpaid you almost $700 when we finally paid you all that other back pay and moving expenses stuff and you were supposed to realize it even though we never gave you an exact amount of what to expect to be paid"...yup.  So we dig ourselves out of a debt hole over the past year just to be dumped right back in one...all because of military pay issues.

We'd apply for help from some of these charities that assist military families and Veterans, BUT that route is dangerous.  We can't get a loan from our preferred loan place because Tanker doesn't have enough time left on his contract.  We can't get aide from a lot of the other organizations anyway because 1.) Tanker isn't "hurt enough", 2.) he's still Active Duty, 3.) he has no official VA rating (there is one, we just are not yet allowed to know what it is) or 4.) the debt need isn't "valid" because we've paid the bills that needed paying and the problem lies in a negative bank balance.  So we do what we do best and soldier on.  Man, it's stressful.

The upside is that we saved enough to be able to send in and secure the house and land.  It's not everything that is needed, but it takes it off the market and allows us to have the stress of whether or not it would be sold out from under us gone.  Now to scrape the barrel bottom for the next 2 months and gather the rest while attempting to straighten out the mess we've been handed.  Nothing new...which is kinda sad.

Positive of the day:  The tomatoes, peppers and cukes in the "pot garden" are thriving.  My rescued apple tree and raspberries are finally sprouting new growth.  AND I've not yet killed the carrots.

Such is Life at the Nut House.

Oh Me Oh My...

I've once again joined the working ranks...part-time, minimum wage...but it's more than I was bringing to the game (aka NADA).  Hopefully what little I bring in will allow us to speed up our game on debt pay-off and getting the homestead going.  Still going to be pinching those pennies though!  I've also added a little linkage to the side over there ---------> to my Etsy shop.  Not much in it right now except some of my photography, but hopefully this fall there will be some warm woolen knits for you to ogle.

Soldier's medical goo has taken on yet another life of its own by being completely restarted.  Good thing the house we found is not too far for daily drives to Post.  Looks like the Army will be paying him full pay for another year while they try to figure out how to reward him for his stint in Afghanistan.  Okay, fine.  In the meantime he's hoping to land a small arms repair internship so he's not just hanging around all day doing nothing.  He's also planning on taking some classes this fall (construction type) while I take my "already paid for thanks to a great scholarship" courses (EMT).

Looks like we're going to be a bit busy until spring...classes, work, clearing out junk/overgrown flowers/fields, moving...yep, busy.

Oh Mercy!

Don't you just love how things never go as planned?

We found us a place...here...in the Ozarks.  Handing the land in Nevada back over to the original seller because that payment can be put to use here.  It's a nice little house, hanging out on 5 fenced acres, not too far from post.  All that it's lacking is solar, lol.

Soldier is beyond happy as am I, even though we'll spend the next 2-3 months scrimping and saving and squeezing every penny until we're comfortably in place.  We debated asking the in-laws for help, but as Soldier is not 1.) female and 2.) far from being the favorite we've learned over the last 16+ years to ask them for little to nothing.  Of course, it tears him up KNOWING that my broke ass parents would jump in feet first to help us out before his parents would...but it's been tearing him up for most his life (i.e. once he was old enough to recognize #1 and #2 above...so about 8 years old or so).

Sorry family...no visiting from us until probably next year sometime...gotta make sure we're fine first.

"How ARE You Walking?"

Funny question...one posed yesterday to Soldier by the VA doc doing his paperwork...and he was dead serious.  Seems that there is WAY more going on in Soldier's spine than we were being let on about.  And the VA doc is a little on the furious side.  This could be a good thing I guess, but leaves us wondering what else we don't know about.

There comes that "adventure" from the previous post...good thing I've learned to roll with the punches I suppose.

What's Life Without A Little Adventure....

My new motto apparently.  We begin again with the drama of getting the Spousal Unit medically retired; seems some genius in Germany did the wrong set of paperwork...naturally.  So it all starts anew, only the RIGHT way this time.

In the meantime we've been weighing the options available to us.  Buy a place here and saddle ourselves with a mortgage OR stick to the land in Nevada (completely raw) and slowly build as we can afford it.  Of course it ALL hinges on J-O-B-S for me and the Spousal Unit.  He's eligible for a lot of the gov't jobs in both places because of his whole disabled Veteran status.  I'm eligible as a spouse but not for as much.  Pros and cons are being discussed in depth and it's looking as if Nevada is currently on the winning side.

Now it's just a matter of when/where/how/if...too many questions to be answered and all those answers hinge on the US Army...frightening, no?

Oh, yeah...we arrived safe and sound in the Ozarks, got all our junk (way too much stuff, I admit) and have the kiddos settled in.  Even though I'm applying everywhere I can, no job offers have been forthcoming (making the decision to leave all the more easy).

A Looooooong Time Comin'

but it's finally happening.  In about 2 short weeks, we'll be back on US soil.  Back to the Ozarks we go...off to Fort Leonard Wood for a bit.

And so the fun of packing has come and gone...the furniture and most of the rest of the house all out of the house as of yesterday.  The rest of the goo gone in about a week and a half...us on a plane and Stateside by the end of the first of April.  OPSEC shot to hell, don't care...I'm ready to be home.  Ready to settle in and get back to business with getting ourselves set for the inevitable.

We've done alright from over here (Hubs is practically debt free...a little work left on mine).  But there's more to do.  So ready to get onto the rest of it.

Alas, that's all for now...see you on the other side of the pond soon!

Um...Wow!

Sorry I've been incredibly MIA...things are still crazy, we're still in Germany (obviously) and still awaiting orders back to the States.  Could be NC, could be TX or could be GA.  Yeah, they so aren't sending us back to MO (surprise, surprise).  Still don't know when...could be 2 months, could be 3 weeks, could be less.  So essentially we are living in perpetual limbo.  I'm sadly getting used to it.

It's rough, honestly, not knowing.  Harder on the kids knowing that we'll be leaving, just not knowing when.  Hard on me with planning out my classes and hard on Soldier on so many levels.  The whole not knowing is seriously a pain in the ass with any kind of planning to be honest.  Even the should be simple stuff like grocery shopping.  I know it sounds weird, but it is.  We could come down on orders and be gone in 3 weeks or less if they want it so...and I've seen a few friends get the "less" bit...like 8 working days.  Not so easy when everything around here closes not only on US holidays but German ones as well.

Anyway, we're still alive...still kicking...still waiting.