Surprise, Surprise....

well, not really.

Not to any of you that have been reading here (or any of the other like minded blogs) in the past 4 years or so.

Headlines as I signed into Yahoo! this morning are MSM panic inducing...to a lot of folks...hopefully not to you (the usual suspects).

They go something like this:

NASA Civilization Collapse Study
Your Dollar isn't Buying (and isn't going to) Much at the Grocery
California to Farmers, "No water for you!" (sorry, it's a Fox link)
Ukraine (and the EU), Ukraine (and their Navy) and a little Turkey Talk (3 separate ones there)

And on it goes...people are shocked...well, at least some of the folks rolling about in my FB feed.  They genuinely did not see the food price hike coming and are angry.  "First my heating bill nearly triples and now this!"

Welcome to the New Age folks.

Get thee prepared.....

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Christmas Eve Ramblings....

for me tonight.

Tonight I think on all that has happened, in just the past few months.  These things...things I was (and still am) wholly unprepared for...taunt me.  The fact I am a perpetual researcher only makes these things worse.

Youngest screamer was recently diagnosed with a heart defect...nothing overly serious, yet.  It has the potential to become serious, therefore requires monitoring for the rest of his life.  This, though I found myself not prepared for it, has not been the worst news handed down lately.

My father, not the world's best parent but certainly the better of the two I have, was diagnosed last week with small cell lung cancer.  Talk about a blow.  Pops is normally a healthy guy but has been battling a "lung infection" since the beginning of November.  Doc finally got worried enough about it to order extra tests when Pops presented with a 27lb (17%) weigh loss in a 3 week time period.

Sometimes, knowing too much is a bad thing.  The siblings are blissfully unaware as of yet as to the seriousness of the situation because they aren't like me...they don't research and they aren't here to see the VERY prominent changes in Pops (they've not seen him since August).  I know I should wait until Pops' appointment with the oncologist in January before I start getting gung-ho...but it's not in my nature.  So now I sit, with researched and firsthand knowledge, and wonder...when do I tell them that January 9th may not be a rosy day?

Pops stayed here at the 'Stead this past weekend to mind pups, kittahs and chickens for us while we visited the siblings and in-laws in KY.  I took him home today...the 1.5 hour drive was not in any way, shape or form comfortable for him as he has been having rather sharp pains in the area the main tumor is located for a couple of weeks but has not said anything to anyone until I (being the alien child) blasted him with questions last night upon our arrival home.  You see, we were in KY when he got the news...Mom called to tell me, then proceeded to have me inform my siblings.  Coward.

And so I sit, with the knowledge that next year has the potential to be the most life changing year of my 35 years, and I try to make myself embrace the holiday cheer that my children are oozing.  Maybe after I finally have that good, long cry that has been building since last Thursday.  Maybe.

A Little Taste...

of the mild insanity that I live with...granted video is a couple of years old...things have not calmed down.  Things have not changed much except the screamers are of larger build now.  This, folks, is my life.



And yes, that's me FB...and no, I don't randomly friend anyone.  'Tis set to private except for the things I want the world to see.  Like this.  It tends to keep people away apparently.

October Surprise Arrived Late

Just in case you aren't following or hearing:

Operation Pillar of Cloud (from inside Gaza)

From Al Jazeera News

And of course, CNN and BBC have reports (heavy on the "oh poor Israel side).

There is your October Surprise Arrived Late folks.  Care to wager on how this will play out for the US of A?

What Is This!?! (x-post)

Depression, PTSD?

I don't know...the "symptoms" are so similar.  I don't know.

Tanker is not himself 90% of the time.  Crowded places were never really his thing but he used to be able to tolerate them...not any more.  He was the look at the bright side kind of guy once...not any more.  He's sharper now, more easily irritated.  He jumps on the kids quicker, is intolerant of loud noises, more withdrawn.  He's tired but can't sleep...the pain is worse on days when he's most withdrawn.

It isn't to the point where I worry about him and the kids when I go to work, but I do worry about him period.  He seems so hopeless now, so uninterested in things and life in general.

I brought up all of this the other day and he just gave me a blank look.  He doesn't really even notice, I think.

What is THIS!?!

Done...

that's it...I'm done.  Ready to be outta here and on the land.  Ready to get this ball started rolling in a rapid manner.  Unfortunately, we kinda stuck here until the Army decides whether or not to keep the Soldier in or give him the old Medical Retirement boot.  Sweet.

Yeah...I watched the markets today...probably not the best idea for someone that was feeling a bit doom and gloom to begin with.  Just made me want to puke.  Nice debt deal...we're so set now...no worries what-so-ever.

Once again, how's that "change" coming along for ya?  Given up "hope" yet?  Have a nice big slice of reality and get back to me.

It's Just How I Feel....

don't know if it has to do with the land purchase, world issues (debt, stupidity, weather, etc.) or the fact that I finally got Tanker to go on board full on with the homestead...but that "panic" feeling has increased substantially the past few days.  That need to get started (on things not yet started) and moving along (on things that have) at a fast pace with ducking out and digging in.  Damn near full on jitters have set in.

The land purchase started out as a control thing (admitted)...wanted control over one thing with all the uncertainty swirling around Tanker's military career future.  I mean, they don't let ya know in the MSM (if you love that sort of stuff) all the trifling stuff that goes on at individual garrison/brigade/battalion/company levels; so the general public doesn't quite understand exactly HOW that 22,000+ troop cut from the Army works.  Think dirty politics folks and minimize it to a population of 12,000 with a command dead set on reducing numbers.  Who really cares if they're a good Soldier or not.  Things are being pulled out from a good number of Soldiers' pasts (things that punishment was served for, btw) and are being used to put them out.  Then you have Soldiers like Tanker, that do the right thing and don't get in trouble but get injured, that get screwed by the system repeatedly.  All the while, replacements are waiting in the wings, fresh faced and freshly trained...newbies to be sent off to far fetched lands.  But enough of that, it's not news to those in the know anyway...other than to say again, that's where the need to control one little thing came in:  hence the land purchase.

Now that it is done, the nagging bit of "let's get it started" has kicked in, even though I KNOW that we won't be able to even think of starting until Deutschland is a thing of the past (again)...right now, according to contract, that is a little under two years away....two LONG years.  Sigh.  I'm looking forward to those earned leave days that will let us spend time on the land, learning the lay of it better so we can truly start planning out the homestead.  Even though we have no idea when they might be allowed (if ever).  The bonus to being here though (I've lately realized) is that aside from the lack of the high temps we'll experience on the land, I can gather a lot of high altitude gardening tips from the locals.  The downside to that being that all that information will have to be notations in a book, not practical application, for some time.  Blah.

So I bide my time and begin building on the Homestead Library...thus far we've only acquired a couple of building books to add, but the wishlist is ever growing.  On the way now are this and this.  Those are for Tanker to thumb through so he can work on the final design.  We have a minimalist home plan already, it's just the integrating of other, more self-sufficient, elements that require tweaking of said design.  The outbuildings are all mine to tinker with.

Alas, the screamers are requiring attention....gotta work on that whole self-sufficient thing with them.  Later all!