Hadn't Really Talked About It....

with you lot yet at least.

The 'Stead, though we do like it a lot and adore our neighbors, is likely not to be ours.  The VA requires certain things for loans, the 'Stead does not have these things and they are mighty pricey to be getting.  Top those matters off with Tanker's ever decreasing ability to navigate parts of the house (i.e. stairs) and you have us in a position of "should we or no."

We're leaning to the no.  We have until early August of next year to decide for absolute certain.  However, the decision is pretty well made in every way.  It's beginning to look a lot like KY will again become home.  I'm sad only at the thought of leaving the school the screamers are in...they are the most fantastic people in the teaching profession I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.  I can only hope wherever we settle has a school half as good.

So now the search for new jobs for me has taken on a different dimension.  A multi-State search now.

I suppose, barring the Mayan Apocalypse, that next year will be interesting in more ways than I had originally thought now.

It has been asked....

how I got started on this prep/survival trip. I haven't really shared that here but figured "what the hey"...may as well.

Back in 2006, shortly after the youngest screamer was born, the Spouse and myself decided it was time to put down some roots and buy a house. Being incredibly unversed in the process, we got screwed with some shady lending practices (oh, shock and disbelief) and ended up being reemed by a surprise tax and insurance bill the following year. We were under the impression that said taxes and insurance were escrowed into the mortgage...they were not...we were actually told by the lawyer rep'ing the mortgage company AT THE SIGNING that they were...they were not...the ORIGINAL loan docs said they were....the company that bought the loan chose not to honor that particular point in the contract and did not inform us of the change. Said taxes did eventually get escrowed into the mortgage BUT doubled the mortgage payment (nice, eh?). What would have been a non-issue the previous year was a serious issue. You see, about 5 months after purchasing, the Spouse lost his job on a technicality (which the same company used to release several of its long time, higher paid employees and hire lower paid temps...nice, eh?). The Spouse was making less than half of what he had been making at home purchase time and we were on a less than shoestring budget when the tax bomb dropped.

We fell behind...a lot. Long story short, the house went into forclosure and we jingle mailed the mortgage company. No way we were going to pay what would end up being 3x's the actual value of a house that was killing our youngest child without us knowing (different story, another time). We were essentially homeless. Everything went into a Uhaul and we moved from KY to MO, staying with my parents for 3 months before the Spouse became gainfully employed and we got our own place. Sounds like current events doesn't it? Only way earlier...call it a foretelling of the future, lol. In the end the mortgage company got their money via short sell and then some...no, we did not see the extra because they loopholed (wow, another shocker) by selling the house BACK to themselves then selling it to someone else. Just shows on the credit report as a closed account with late payments in 2008...go figure.

At any rate, that particular snafu in our lives led me to finding a way to pad our meager means. It became a slight obsession at first, the quest to keep us fed, clothed and no longer living paycheck to paycheck (not easy to do on $8hr for a family of four). To be honest, it took a very long time...to me at least. We're darn near there...no longer relying on the system to supplement our food needs, no debt other than fairly minor student loans and no longer living paycheck to paycheck. We have enough foodstuffs put by to last us quite a while if needed (though they will soon enough be on a boat to Germany) and I know that if I have to I can make the clothing we need in addition to other household stuff.

It's a nice place to be, this small comfort zone. But it's not complete, meaning I haven't relaxed. There is always something else that can be done to further the comfort, something else that can increase the self-reliance. This is a journey, a quest per se...how can X be done in a better way for example?

So there you have it...the story of how one "things" obsessed family became drawn to this lifestyle...or at least a part of it. The biggest part of it.

A bit stretched out...

right now! What with the summer time upon us, familial trips (out of state, in state, camping...the list goes on), school for me and now the garden popping up all over...I'm pulling myself a little thin all around.

I'll try to keep up regular posting, but you must forgive me if I go a few days (or a week) in between. There is so much for me to get done before the spousal unit takes off (sometime soon) to post unknown (as of yet) and the oldest screamer starts school of his own (now I'm thinkin' it wasn't such a bad idea!!) that I've gotta cut somewhere and unfortunately it's here.

I'll still be around, just not as much. I'll still post irrelevant information, just not as much. Heck, might even be a useful gem or two in here somewhere at some point.

Catch ya'll soon, I hope!!

Unthinkable...

I have done the unthinkable. No, not picked up and walked away from the mess around here (I did say unthinkable, that's always a thought)...I took the oldest screamer to 'Kindergarten Roundup' tonight AT HIS REQUEST.

Yes, I realize he is five. Yes, I realize what I have done. He's not registered yet...there is the 'placement' test first. No worries there, my boy will blow them out of the water. He did tonight. Not to brag at all...it's the truth. He left several aides and two teachers with their mouths hanging open when he A.) gave them the complete playground rules before they asked B.) spelled his name for them without a pause C.) colored a very colorful version of Sponge Bob, then wrote out the word Sponge Bob as I spelled it to him and told them that he dreams in color so his Sponge Bob is colorful and not just yellow (gotta love 5 yr old logic).

The kid is a sponge (like most start out being) and got it into his stubborn little head (thank you Mom...intense sarcasm there) that he NEEDED to go to "school in a building"...I said fine, knowing full well that the first time the school tries to tell me he is too hyper that's the end. I will jerk his not hyper butt out of there so fast their bobble heads will pop right off. He is five...that is what five year olds do...get crazy, play, pretend, talk, not pay attention, etc.

I'm disgusted by two things already...well one really but it's two things about that one thing that drive me batty.

"Recess" (and I use that term VERY loosely) is two 15 minutes sessions. Two 15 minute sessions. I'll repeat that once more for those that skipped the first two times or simply can't believe what they read...two 15 minute sessions. One in the morning, one in the afternoon. Oh, did I mention that this is an all day kind of thing? Yeah...what happened to half days?

Anyway, in these two 15 minute sessions the boy and his classmates will either play outside on a playground OR play in the gym with weather demands. During these two 15 minute sessions there will be approximately 100 (see that? 100) children supervised by 2 teachers. 2 teachers. I will not repeat that since it makes my stomach twist. It should be noted that there are class aides, but I heard no mention of them in the supervisory roll. You can see where my problem lies, right?

My child is the most accident prone creature I have ever in my life met. He had his first set of stitches due to an accident BEFORE he was a year old (did you know that a waxed candle wick can and will pierce and rip skin? I didn't until then). His second Christmas (first walking Christmas) he sported a massive black eye for all the pictures and went by 'Bruiser' for the two weeks that followed. The boy has been to the ER more times in his short 5 years than I've been my entire life. Now, the past two years (almost) have been good, no ER visits since the battery swallowing episode. But still...you have to see why I'm a little iffy about 2 teachers.

Let's not even get into the whole 15 minutes of exercise. Excuse me, you will not be able to contain my child with so little exercise. I really do apologize ahead of time for the trouble it will cause you dear teachers...no, not really. You ask for it when you ask a five year old to sit in a chair and be a worker ant. Newsflash: You have your work cut out for you if you intend to crush that kid. He won't be crushed, his Momma won't let you drug him...you, my friends, are SOL. Good luck trying to make him fit the mold. I can't even get him to write his alphabet in order...the letters are all there, just scattered all over the page like a giant find-a-word puzzle.

I've had this child with me for five (LONG) years...I'm sorry that he wants to go, but I won't deny him the opportunity to see. I don't have it in me. He's so different from his little brother that it is night and day. The youngest will probably never ask to go, but I won't tell him no either should he want to. The oldest has always rushed into life headlong heedless of direction...he is a true force of nature that will not be denied.

So it is with great sadness (and a fake smile, as exampled tonight) that I relinquish my oldest child to these people. These people that will not enjoy the wonder in his eyes when he learns something new, not the way that I do. These people that will try to make him be something he isn't. I know that I can say NO. But I take the blame in saying yes...and hold out hope that he hates it, though I know he won't. I take comfort in knowing that I am giving him an opportunity (for what I don't know yet) and that it's only until December (one way or another).

(It should be noted that the spousal unit is incredibly torn up about this. He is scared for the fearless one. I'm not so scared as disappointed that he wants to go...after all he didn't get the idea from me.)

On this day...

the day before the much ballyhoo'd Earth Day, I want to preach on 'green'.

If you don't watch TV, you're missing out on nothing except being deluged with commercials on greening up your living space, reducing your carbon footprint and instructions on how to help reverse global warming. Newsflash: Dear Greenies, it is NOT in your best interest to try to undo that which Ma Nature herself has set in motion. That's right I said it.

I do believe in Global Warming, evidence of a warming trend in general is overwhelming...I DO NOT believe that it is entirely man-made or reversible (in other words, Mr. Gore your ideas are not my belief). Why? Because it is a cycle that this blue space marble we reside on goes through. It cools down, it heats up, please repeat as necessary...insignificant species that do not have the ability to adapt disappear and become fossils, oil and pretty rocks. It's a cycle that takes way longer than we (ie humans) have been in residence. A cycle that we are only just scratching the surface of with our paltry scientific studies.

However, like most things, we (ie humans) tend to look to the easiest explanation (big spirit in the sky plays in mud and makes man, human advances warm the earth to dangerous levels, etc...okay, I'm sure I touched a nerve somewhere with one of those) and look for an uber complicated way to 'fix' things. Please don't fix my section, I'd rather not see the damage you can do.

This does not go to say that I believe that we can't do something about the situation. No, far from it. We can practice sustainability. Self-reliance of a sort.

Stop with the whole buying of boxed goods that take more energy to process than you receive from them, stop with the using of chemical laden products that just get tossed in the garbage and buried/stacked/dumped somewhere that screws with ground water, learn to garden responsibly (ie compost for your own fertilizer, use gray/rain water, pick the flippin' pests off by hand)...the list goes on and on folks. It's actually a quite logical list. Think of how you would handle the problem in the first place then do the opposite...we've been trained (for the most part) over the years to do that which is exactly wrong for living a life free.

Break the cycle, do something unexpected...don't 'go green' for the sake of going green...go sustainable for your own peace of mind. Knowing that you don't 'need' to run to (insert whatever store you want here) to pick up dinner, diapers, bug killer (there is a reason they are there after all...think cycle of nature again) and whatever thing you don't really need in order to live is a massive relief. This again cycles back to prepping, long term. By retraining your brain to think 'out of the box' that it has been forced in for all these years, you are in essence training yourself to survive.

Learning to save seeds (good ones, heirloom...not genetically enhanced), learning to garden responsibly (square foot is a good place for beginners to start, imo), learning to do without a disposable lifestyle....these are tiny, tiny baby steps to becoming truly green and self-sufficient.

If you must celebrate Earth Day, plant a FRUIT or NUT producing tree suitable to your zone (decorative trees are pretty, sure...but can you eat them?). Don't make a run to the store for disposable diapers, make a run for cloth and save yourself some future visits. Look up your local nursery in the phone book and ask about heirloom plants that haven't been tampered with OR find a good heirloom seed company (start with www.rareseeds.com) for your garden. Start small, read up and apply...look at that, you're on your way to reducing your carbon footprint and becoming self-sustainable. Easy, no?

Vitameatavegamin

A nice rambling post for ya today...since I feel like it!

Vitamins...do you multi, singlize or not at all? Me, I have a nice little multi that I take. Some of you might recognize it...it's called a prenatal and I picked up a couple of bottles for a big ol' $4 each about a month ago (set for a few months if I remember to take them every day...which I do not). NO, I AM NOT PREGNANT!!!! I take prenates because, well...they have everything my body needs and then some. I don't eat like I 'should'...I *gasp* skip the heck outta breakfast on most days and the prenates help make up for some of the bad. I also pop an Acaci pill in the am and the pm (got 'em for free, literally and they do give a boost) and a green tea tab (whopping $1 at the local grocery) when I remember it. Since I am a free sample junkie, I have a nice little collection of that cool new Benefiber drink mix stuff designed for bottled water on days that I need a boost (or just want flavored water).

Next! Mail...we have not gotten a single piece of mail in well over a week. This bothers me because our mailbox (and all the others in the row) have been beaten all to hell a couple of times this winter by someone with too much time on their hands. The spousal unit has been ordered (at least three times) to stop by the PO on the way home and discuss this with the Postmaster...he's also supposed to be calling about the title release on the van (which has been paid off since Feb.)...surprise, surprise...not been done. Dear jury, let the record show that I just finished calling the loan company and am thoroughly pissed at their stupidity for sending the release to the WRONG place...yeah, that's right, more phone calls for me to make since no one else seems to know how to do that. Sigh.

Next! Done, done, done....the above is just a tiny example of the bull that I put up with on a daily basis. It only furthers my thoughts on being done with it. What I see happening: single mom going back to school (maybe) and working her ass off full time to support two screamers...in a new State. Thinking that the December deadline was entirely too generous of me, thinking that it's going to end the exact same way it has every other time this talk has happened...thinking that the cycle is about to get broken (along with a few hearts). Thinking that I really don't give a rat's ass either.

Oh, oh....have you tried those new 'Breakfast on the Go' thingies from Emerald? You should. EXCELLENT! Especially for taking off into the woods with. Sure, sure...I could buy all the ingredients and mix it up myself, but let's be honest here...I won't. I'm an instant gratification kind of girl for the most part and this is instant. Besides, I'm sure that my mix wouldn't end up sealed in nice little single serving bags convenient for backpacking. Definitely taking some of these on the trail with me next month...along with my Jack Link's nuggets and Zatarain's rice packs...nice and healthy, eh? ;P

House Keeping and a Confession

Cleaned up the blog a little bit. Got rid of the Ping (it was eating up bandwidth and slowing down the blog...for me at least) but added a Twitter thingie. Which leads to the confession.

I am a tech junkie. I am utterly, unabashedly addicted to cool techno gadgets. This could be a problem. Probably is a problem. It's moot to say that I don't spend money on them, ya'll know I don't have a ton of cash floating around, but I have to say I'd love to. I'd love to have a rockin' cell that I could access the net from with all the cool little apps to connect me to my favorite online spots. Alas, it is definitely not in the budget.

So I suffer with my little online based fun and my pre-paid cell that lets me text updates to Twitter. This is a good thing really. Especially for May. 'Cause then you can go on my trekking trip with me if you want. Yes, my friends, I will Tweet all the fun I'm having (or not having) while I'm away. Short little updates like "I'm still alive" or "help, bear attack"...you know, the little things that make a solo trip fun.

There you have it...a confessed obsession with everything wrong with the world. I should feel dirty, but I don't! ;P

24 hour Free For All....

Yeah, yeah, yeah....I couldn't stay away. To be fair, the screamers are back from their weekend with Mawmaw and Pawpaw and I NEED some sort of sanity. No, I haven't looked at the 'real' news but I've been trolling (not as in nasty comment trolls) the net and looking at gossip rags and other mindless entertainment.

Hey, did you know that if you sign up on a singles site just for kicks you can get like 20 messages in 5 minutes? Don't worry, I 'resigned' after 10 minutes of messages assaulting my inbox. It was bad, but fun...you should try it sometime.

Anyway, the Free For All...is there something you've always wanted to know about me? Ask...I'll be as blatantly honest as humanly possible. Understand, there are some things I won't be completely straight forward with (ie...don't ask about Dad and the ball bat) but for the most part I'll answer ya!

Flip a comment/question anytime in the next 24 hours (that'd be 8pm CST) and I'll give you an answer...you may not like it but I'll give you one!

This Weekend....

I am being a sheeple....well, at least for the rest of the weekend that is. I'm not looking at the news until Monday morning (provided the world doesn't end by then)...I am going to spend my time tonight and tomorrow with my head stuck in the proverbial sand.

Why? 'Cause my brain needs an analytic break so I don't have a psychotic one. The 'news' of AIG, Obama's economic saving bill (please note that all this is typed with fantastic sarcasm) and any number of other wonderful things happening right now will have to wait while I spend a blissful day of ignorance pampering myself. My sore muscles and tired brain demand it.

I'll be back, hopefully rested and feeling fine (I do feel fine, just brain dead)...ready to roll with the punches and add my own dose of reality to a world gone mad. Ya'll enjoy what remains of the day and tomorrow...if it all goes to hell in a handbasket, won't be much we can do but ride the waves anyway...right?

Psst...there's a little music down below...a glimpse of my own playlist (not all of it by far)...Enjoy!

If you didn't see it....

here's a bit o' linkage to the Stewart vs Cramer that gave me a good chuckle. Jon Stewart, a pillar of controlled rage, gave it to CNBC's Jim Cramer pretty damn good...loved it. Video embedded in linked page, be sure to watch 'cause Cramer just can't make a defense...seriously. A wake up for the sheeple as to how much they rely on 'news' channels...mayhap, mayhap not. Probably just another pissing point to them. I'm too tired to be properly outraged over the stupidity, I'll leave that to others.

I'm worn the f**k out...sore, beat down, exhausted...add in any number of adjectives here. Why, you ask (or maybe you don't...I don't care, my blog)? Well, 'cause part of the getting back into shape is naturally working out. Don't have a farm or land to work, don't have livestock to chase after (the screamers, I am told, do not count as livestock) or any other number of things that some get to do daily that help them stay in shape...I'm one of those poor, dumb saps that works out with 'exercise'. I know what you're thinking, Ozark Momma jumping around the townhouse with some perky bleach blonde preaching the miracles of aerobic exercise from the boob tube...while that perky blonde is planning her next plastic surgery...well, nope...not really. Ozark Momma don't roll that way.

Instead, I voluntarily get my ass kicked on a daily basis...hard. I sat down and had me a nice think about the time in my life when I was at the peak of physical fitness. Not high school (track and soccer)...nope, it was fresh from my knee injuring stint in Basic Training. Even with that career ending injury, I was in fantastic shape. Why? 'Cause I got my ass kicked on a daily basis...crutches or no. I had to find something that would keep me motivated to get that kickin' here in the civilian world.

I did...it hurts...I cry when it's time for the ab workout but I push through...I spend the day agonizing over the workout for that night, but I anticipate it with a mix of perverse curiosity and joy. I am apparently a masochist. I am an X'er...as in P90X...you've seen the infomercials, I'm sure...if not, google it. I love it, even if I have to roll (literally) out of bed in the morning...seem to remember that first couple of weeks in Basic being the same way too. Only thing I don't have is a Drill (Benovitz, Vinson, Davis, Kummer...all of the wonderful men and women I despised for weeks) to keep my ass moving all day long. That is why I know I'm sore and tired...no one keeping me on my toes and moving so I don't have time to think about it...sigh, those were the days folks. 'Course nostalgia does color things a different shade a bit, but I don't forget the physical stuff.

That peak condition is what I'm striving for...unfortunately I'm not running everywhere, dropping and doing push ups when someone else screws up, kicking flutter kicks 'cause the platoon leader made a misstep...I'm restricted to playing mommy during the day and getting my ass kicked by Tony Horton at night. I'll deal with it, eventually the sore will fade and the exhaustion will dissipate...but more importantly, the fat will be going and the abs will be back (wow...real abs...I know they're there under the fat...I can f'ing feel them hurting right now!) and the stamina will be knocked up enough that I might just be able to run 5k easily...and being able to do that is the goal for July. Then I'll work on RUNNING that 5k with a fully loaded pack....baby steps...baby steps.

Been Thinking...

which is dangerous...I know, I know. What with the massive expression of opinion yesterday and all, it occurred to me that I may just have come across as an unfeeling, emotionally stunted bitch. Well, one word in that description is right, I admit. I make no quibbles about being a bitch...since it is a label that is often applied to someone like me. A woman who really isn't afraid to express her opinions (no matter how unliked they are). I am at least fourth generation bitch.

I also discovered something else about me...I probably have something missing from my genetic makeup. I actually discovered this while the oldest screamer was away in KY for a week. You remember me posting that I missed him, for a couple of days? Yeah, that's where the wiring is funky. After the first couple of days...I didn't miss him anymore. I actually cringed at the thought of him coming back home. See...told you...genetic mistake. Let me elaborate further. The littlest screamer took off with his Mawmaw for a day or two, leaving me all alone in a nice quiet house...I loved it! I discovered then that though I would miss them for a while, I could get along quite nicely without them. Now this doesn't go to say that I don't want them or love them...or that I wouldn't be devastated should something happen to them. It does go to say that for even a short time, I can and do get by without someone underfoot (kids, husband, family in general) fairly well. This may not come as a shock to some, but I've never been apart from either screamer for longer than a couple of days (the oldest at least, the youngest only ever stayed away overnight and was home bright and early the next morning) and it was a bit of a shock to my system...that quiet and me time after five LONG years.

I didn't like my peace being disturbed by homecomings, but I dealt with it. I even long for a day that is similar to those precious few I just experienced. Life without intruders. Sad that I think of them that way, especially since I'm not a particularly anti-social person.

I think I am genetically screwed in the mothering department. I love them, I enjoy them...but even now I am ready for them to be out of my space. They are five and three, still a lot of years of teaching, nurturing and mothering ahead of me that I don't really relish. I expect you to be shocked/appalled/amused...my sister was when I told her. I think of myself lately as a sort of wet-nurse...here temporarily to rear these creatures to the point that they are no longer dependent then off to the next adventure.

I don't dislike them or begrudge their existence, after all...I did the crime have to do the time, right? I knew what I was getting into when I chose to have children, but I also knew when to stop. I don't hate them, I love them something fierce. I have the mama bear thing, the protective instincts et al. I just have little patience for the encroachment on my personal space (words that do NOT exist with little people). I'm weird...I know. I am my grandmother. I kinda like that.