Monday, December 24, 2012

Christmas Eve Ramblings....

for me tonight.

Tonight I think on all that has happened, in just the past few months.  These things...things I was (and still am) wholly unprepared for...taunt me.  The fact I am a perpetual researcher only makes these things worse.

Youngest screamer was recently diagnosed with a heart defect...nothing overly serious, yet.  It has the potential to become serious, therefore requires monitoring for the rest of his life.  This, though I found myself not prepared for it, has not been the worst news handed down lately.

My father, not the world's best parent but certainly the better of the two I have, was diagnosed last week with small cell lung cancer.  Talk about a blow.  Pops is normally a healthy guy but has been battling a "lung infection" since the beginning of November.  Doc finally got worried enough about it to order extra tests when Pops presented with a 27lb (17%) weigh loss in a 3 week time period.

Sometimes, knowing too much is a bad thing.  The siblings are blissfully unaware as of yet as to the seriousness of the situation because they aren't like me...they don't research and they aren't here to see the VERY prominent changes in Pops (they've not seen him since August).  I know I should wait until Pops' appointment with the oncologist in January before I start getting gung-ho...but it's not in my nature.  So now I sit, with researched and firsthand knowledge, and wonder...when do I tell them that January 9th may not be a rosy day?

Pops stayed here at the 'Stead this past weekend to mind pups, kittahs and chickens for us while we visited the siblings and in-laws in KY.  I took him home today...the 1.5 hour drive was not in any way, shape or form comfortable for him as he has been having rather sharp pains in the area the main tumor is located for a couple of weeks but has not said anything to anyone until I (being the alien child) blasted him with questions last night upon our arrival home.  You see, we were in KY when he got the news...Mom called to tell me, then proceeded to have me inform my siblings.  Coward.

And so I sit, with the knowledge that next year has the potential to be the most life changing year of my 35 years, and I try to make myself embrace the holiday cheer that my children are oozing.  Maybe after I finally have that good, long cry that has been building since last Thursday.  Maybe.

No comments:

The true danger is when liberty is nibbled away, for expedience, and by parts. --Edmund Burke