20 days......

and a wake-up.

The countdown continues to clip on at a rapid pace.

Tanker is itching to finish packing up but I'm holding him back with both hands.  I'm not ready to pack everything but the cast iron up...I like my little non-stick skillet for making my eggs every morning.  I like that I can just wash it out, toss it on the drying rack and walk away without fear of rust setting in because I didn't grease it.  I'm lazy.  I readily admit that until I get at least a full cup of coffee in me it is best to not trust me with the care and feeding of anything important.  How the screamers survived thus far is beyond me.

As it is the house has been pretty well packed up for a month (probably more as at one point days began bleeding into one another as the mass of boxes grew).  Granted, I still have way more t-shirts unpacked than needed but that is neither here nor there (we will not discuss the whole t-shirt and heels addictions...thank you very much).  The kitchen cabinets (with the exception of the spice/oil cabinet) are empty; the books (oh, my beloved books) are all packed away.  I am stuck with the Kindle (not bad, but not a book).

Tanker and I are discussing foster/adoption still...no preaching on the "dangers" please, I hear that enough from my mother; which is why we no longer discuss it with her.  It's something we feel like we need to do in a way.  So we're looking to start the required courses shortly after the move.  Not a word to Mom until it's all said and done so I don't have to hear "how can you do that to your children?" again.  I love my mother...but she is the epitome of what is wrong with too many....do good for others for the recognition and selfish reasons but to hell with it all if it interferes with your plans or life in ways you don't want.  (Insert snide remark about not being very Christian here...you decide 'cause I'm just not feeling repetition today.)

So here we are...moseying along by the lake for a bit longer...me wishing I could remember which box I put the seeds in (I could totally start some and them be alright for the move), Tanker counting down the days until he no longer is driving 1.5hrs each way for class.  Oh the gas to be saved!

The next 20 days just can't fly fast enough!

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In the End....

Currently, I'm chatting with a friend...brother of the childhood friend that drowned on April 21st.  Her body was finally recovered on the 2nd and they are headed today to make final arrangements.  There seems to be a sort of power struggle going on as to what should be done and what certain other family members want done.  Childhood Friend (hereafter known as CF) was unemployed and without any form of life insurance at the time of her passing...so the financial burden of final expenses falls to her family.  Her 'husband' (they were legally married, I just personally do not think highly of him and haven't since high school) is most likely also unemployed (I do not know this for sure but that tends to be his boon in life) and has little to no money to help.

I'm baffled (but not really) at the idea the family is fighting over arrangements (I'm sure some are wanting to go to the excess end while others are attempting to be practical yet still grieve in a proper Southern fashion).

Here's the philosophical:

She's not there, here, etc.  The final arrangements are for family and show.

Here's the practical:

Keep it affordable.  There are debts involved that shouldn't but probably will fall to her children...who are just starting out in life.

The family has set up a memorial fund to try to get some help with the expense, of course.  And I'm sure that if even half the people that new CF donated even just a little that a very nice service could be had.  However, CF's brother knows that the reins need to be taken now in an effort to make sure that things stay in control.  I feel for him...I most honestly do.

All of this has prompted us (me and Tanker) to review our own plans and, knowing what I know from Dad's funeral (i.e. cost), up both of our life insurance policies.  The point of having them is to insure that our expenses would be paid, debt (that isn't cancelled out by death) be paid and our children have at least a little something monetarily to start out on should we pass before they are of age (hellooooo trust fund).  While it shouldn't matter (the money) we all know it does.  The very least we can do is leave the screamers with less shaky ground to stand on financially.  And a bit of positive in a time of not so positive.

Because in the end, none of it is for you...but it is about what you leave behind.

I Fought the Germs...

but the germs won.

Fought as long and hard as possible...but have failed miserably.  Pretty sure a GOOD night's sleep (come to me Valerian my love), some serious fluid intake (fresh juice and water) and a little less stress will do me up fine.

Dangers of children...those little creatures just breed germs...incubate them...like Aliens.

And the Hunt Goes On...

for a new place.

The one we were going to take has suddenly been removed from the list...owner decided she wanted to sell instead.  Just as well I guess as Tanker was uncomfortable moving into the place while she was in the middle of a divorce.  I see his side so clearly now.

Two more places to take a look at this weekend, hopefully one will suit (and not fall through on us).  One in the country, one in town.

This has been, even so early on into it, the worst move ever.  And it's not even a "move" yet...finding a place that is worth the money has been horrible.  Hopefully, when this all starts again in 2 years or so when we're ready to buy, we won't have half the trouble and heartache.

As it stands now, we're slowly packing...to move who knows where.  At least we don't intend to move all out until May at the earliest.  I simply refuse to move the screamers during the school year.

On another note, got in a sample from Wise Foods that is going to get tried out this weekend...Chili Mac.  Not the youngest screamer's fave (he prefers his chili straight up) but he'll survive the trial run.  Eldest screamer can't wait and has been bugging the heck out of me about it since it came in.  If you've not tried them out before (like me) the company does send out free samples and a catalog to go along with it...click the link up ^there^ or the flashy button over in the side bar...sample dealie is at the top of their website.  I'll post a review post trial.  Probably complete with pictures...go me!

Blah....

last week the youngest screamer came home from school with some sort of rapid attack stomach thing that knocked him flat.  It lasted about 3 days.  3 days of me griping at him about not eating.  3 days of him making rush trips to the bathroom (and it wasn't vomit).  By the end of day 3 he was hungry and everything was more solid.

I was so certain we (Tanker, Eldest and Myself) had dodged the bullet.

Ha!

Yesterday (almost a week later), Tanker and I got hit with it.  Tanker still had an appetite.  I was having flashbacks to my pregnancy with youngest screamer...flashbacks that involved food smells and me hanging out at the trash can while cooking.  Yeah.  The males ended up fending for themselves while I practiced mouth breathing to keep from having to smell.  Dinner for me was an orange.

Today I am more human.  All the males are out of the house so I've not had to yet test whether or not food still stinks.  Mainly because I'm not hungry still.  Water and flat Sprite are my friends today.  Unfortunately Tanker has class until late and won't be home until nearly midnight....this means I cook tonight.  Crap.  No, no crap...please no more crap.  Sigh.

I also get to clean the kitchen from yesterday's male sponsored fiasco.  Yay.

That might just be the only thing I do today.  And it might just wait until after I take a nap.  I'm exhausted from a lousy night's sleep and an early morning.  I hear the quilts a'calling.




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The Past Month...

has been a lesson in what's really important and preparedness.

Losing Dad was...not devastating.  I know...weird, right?

You see, I've been preparing for it since December.  Survival rates of SCLC patients can't/shouldn't really be called survival rates...more of  "it's possible that you might make it this long" rate.  There is no survival...it takes you eventually.  End of story.

So the past month has been more of a helping others deal with it (screamers...particularly the eldest...have been strongly affected.  They adored their Pawpaw.), helping Mom go through years of hording (more of that to come later this month) and finding a "new normal."  Fighting the urge to call Dad and tell him about the hilariousness that is our house, seeing something online and thinking "I should tell Dad about that" and, today's challenge, getting his FB pages (yeah, he had two...lol) set to memorial.  New normal.  I don't like it.

But it's not my job to like it.

The past month has also brought about massive changes to our lifestyle...huge.

Smoking is done...the particular brand of SCLC that Dad had has never been found in non-smokers...and just his having it moves my chances of having it WAY on up there.  No thanks.  Quitting with the tobacco will take the risk down a bit.

Dietary changes...we had fallen into the horrible habit of convenience foods again.  Eating junk and feeling like crap.  No more.  We're back on track with food and dropping weight again.

Fitness changes...we take the screamers and four-legged fiends on nightly walks now.  Anywhere from a mile to 2 on steep, hilly terrain.  We'll do that for a few more months, adding length to the walks and eventually tossing packs on our backs too.

Time changes...there is considerably less time spent online, watching TV and playing video games.  We're spending time with each other, reading and, STILL, unpacking.  We're planning for next Summer and trips we intend to take, this Fall's camping expeditions and a mess of other things.

We're redoing our wills, looking at doing the whole pre-arrangement thing and redoing that lovely paperwork organization so that finding anything of vital importance will be as easy as opening a drawer.  Basic things that pretty much everyone I know just tends to put off and not worry about.

It's been a month of changes...

Interesting....

Tanker surprised me the other day by saying he was happy that I was happy about the move.  I asked him why....

T~ "Because I was worried you'd be sad to leave."
Me~ "Missouri?  Why would you think that?"
T~ "This is your home."
Me~ "Um, babe...we moved to KY when I was 4.  I was gone from MO for 23 years...it's where we visited.  Not where we lived."
T~ "I still thought you'd be sad."
Me~ "Not really.  It'll still be here.  Growing rocks and all."

To be honest, though we've tried to settle in and make it a place to live, we haven't.  We've not tried hard to make it home...probably because somewhere, deep down, we knew that we'd go back to KY someday.

Thankfully the screamers take after me and have very few issues settling in somewhere and making friends (though there is an initial shy period in both...a gift from their father).  They get the 'take me as I am' part from me which does tend to make them a little strange to other kiddos at first but they get along alright in the end.

Tanker has psyched himself up for school, which is good...he's tired of not being able to work.  It's a different kind of drag from not being able to FIND a job, this whole being told he CAN'T have a job because he doesn't have training in a field that is not incredibly physical.  Hence the going back to school part.  Don't get me wrong...he'd LOVE to have a physical job; his body doesn't particularly care for the idea.  And since he's already been told by the VA here that they won't do anything for his back until he's at least 50 (he's apparently too young...whatevs; like it's going to get any better on it's own over the next 13 years he'd be waiting) he's hoping that the VA down there will be more, um, helpful.

Me, I'm going to attempt to find something work-wise and then go back to school next spring.  Hopping into the medical field that my family so loves and I've avoided as much as possible.  Inevitable.  But it's okay...I've found a field of study that I'm interested in.  Unfortunately, it's expensive...so first a less expensive bit of training that will let me work at least.  All goes well and I'll be done with the first bit in a year.

As it is now, we are living life in boxes (literally) and are eagerly awaiting next Wednesday morning (as early as possible) when we begin the trek back to the Bluegrass State.  I don't relish the drive trapped in a Durango with 2 boys, 2 cats, 2 rabbits (gifts), an English Cocker with separation anxiety and a Boxer....but I'll manage.  Though Tanker may end up with an animal or two joining him in the moving truck.

Birds are Gone....

For the first time in what seems like forever I won't be traipsing out to put up birds at dusk.  Feels weird.

Still have Momma Rabbit and the bebes, for another 3 weeks; they (well, momma and 5 of the bebes) will be off to some friends.  Two of the bebes go to KY to be pets to some sweet kiddos.

Plants from the garden are slowly being assessed, dug up and repotted in their new container homes.  Grapes, kiwi and thornless blackberries will come up in about 2 weeks to be repotted.  Fingers crossed that everyone survives and thrives.

We've shown the current place to a couple of potential buyers for the landlady...not sure anyone will buy at what she's asking without A/C (folks are sorta set on having it).  I'm probably a little too honest about the place to promote a sale though.

Next week begins phone calls to schools, paperwork gathering, faxing and getting everything in line for the screamers to start on time.  First day is August 7th down there, so have to get on it if the new school is going to be set to handle the eldest screamer's "needs."  Paperwork required to get the screamers insurance through the State must be done (the kind we still pay for but at a lower rate than private...Obamacare before it was Obamacare...KCHIP if you're curious).  Transfer stuff for the VA...change of address for bills, checking/savings accounts and mail in general.  Transcripts to be ordered for Tanker.  Options to be explored for me (school will likely be put off until next Spring for myself however).

Most of the house is packed...Tanker is in a hurry despite the fact we still have approximately 24 days here.  Most of the big items that needed to be sold are sold.  I've had a hard time dealing with the freebie seekers trying to lowball prices...but have decided to start asking them if the lowball price they're offering is what they would accept and why.

Alas, that is the life here at the moment....not terribly interesting, but not boring either.

Not Quite Spring...

but things around here are hopping along like it is!

Hens are laying, roos are crowing, some random bulbs are poking through (despite the chill in the air).  I spent the past few days scouring reviews on nurseries and decided on two for our much desired trees and berry plants.  Wood for the raised garden beds has been bought, as has a greenhouse...seeds bought and charted for getting them started at a (hopefully) good time.

The screamers even have a touch of spring fever...tomorrow they will be burning off a lot of that excess energy.  Whether they like it or not.  We've all been cooped up inside for too long.

How about you?  Spring fever bug bit yet?

Hadn't Really Talked About It....

with you lot yet at least.

The 'Stead, though we do like it a lot and adore our neighbors, is likely not to be ours.  The VA requires certain things for loans, the 'Stead does not have these things and they are mighty pricey to be getting.  Top those matters off with Tanker's ever decreasing ability to navigate parts of the house (i.e. stairs) and you have us in a position of "should we or no."

We're leaning to the no.  We have until early August of next year to decide for absolute certain.  However, the decision is pretty well made in every way.  It's beginning to look a lot like KY will again become home.  I'm sad only at the thought of leaving the school the screamers are in...they are the most fantastic people in the teaching profession I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.  I can only hope wherever we settle has a school half as good.

So now the search for new jobs for me has taken on a different dimension.  A multi-State search now.

I suppose, barring the Mayan Apocalypse, that next year will be interesting in more ways than I had originally thought now.

A Little Taste...

of the mild insanity that I live with...granted video is a couple of years old...things have not calmed down.  Things have not changed much except the screamers are of larger build now.  This, folks, is my life.



And yes, that's me FB...and no, I don't randomly friend anyone.  'Tis set to private except for the things I want the world to see.  Like this.  It tends to keep people away apparently.

Job Huntin'....Again

Yes, I still have the job at McD's...but let's face it...I'm the breadwinner now and minimum wage ain't winning bread.  I've not worked since mid-October due to a SURPRISE pregnancy followed promptly by an even bigger SURPRISE miscarriage.  No worries, I'm alright with it (mentally and physically) as I had zero time to even get excited or think about the prospect of another screamer roaming the world.  However, it did require some leave from work.

Top that joyous fun of with taking youngest screamer to the doc late last month for a random cough/cold/bug thing only to get told "hey, I'm sending you to a Pediatric Cardiologist"...good times folks, good times.  Of course, now we're in a rush to get everything with youngest screamer squared away before the TriCare runs out at the end of March and my crappy McD's insurance kicks in.  I should point out here, I will be working for insurance and gas money only if I don't find something better.

On average, a good full paycheck runs about $326 or so (give or take $50) every 2 weeks...insurance will run me $157.52 every 2 weeks...gas about $60 or so (depending on price fluctuations, etc) every two weeks.  That leaves less than $110 every two weeks to pay bills and get groceries.  You see, working for insurance...this will be the theme song of the country soon.  Oh and I should point out also....this is the minimum amount of coverage I can opt for.  Which also means co-pays on EVERYTHING and huge, massive deductibles.  The fun just keeps rolling on in!

But, we're still alive...still standing...and still holding it together.  For that, I'm thankful.

Now, I've got to go make a list of folks to call after the holiday so all checkups (eyes and ears for the blind and deaf in the house) can be done and done before all hell breaks loose.

Happy "We've Come to Convert You Savages" Day...or as most of you know it....Happy Thanksgiving!!


MATURE CONTENT....NOT SAFE FOR WORK (but funny as hell).

Keys in Hand...

makes for a happy Momma and a happy Tanker.

Screamers aren't thrilled with the idea of real and true manual labor, but they'll get used to it.  They are in love with their new school; which starts tomorrow.  That means a 30 minute commute morning and afternoon until we're IN the new place but rather have them start the year there than have to join in a month later.

Yard work starts this weekend...drought killed or severely damaged a bunch of the greenery the landlord had planted and some of it just plain needs to be moved or be gone period.  There is a passion fruit (or maypop depending on where you're from) on one side of the house that has gone absolutely insane and is popping up ALL over the yard...want to keep it but need to get it under control somehow.

Off to call the electric, gas and phone companies about transferring and deposits!  On our way!!

One Step Forward....

well, you know the rest.

Been scrambling hard to pull together the fundage to get into the new place thanks to the whole "hey, we overpaid you and we're taking it back now" thing.  Add to that stressor the landlady implying that she'd be more than happy if we backed out because she's "had several offers" on the place.  Um, you have a good faith deposit...why was it still listed?

Throw into the mix that Tanker pretty well acknowledged yesterday having PTSD but not wanting to do anything about it right now as it will set his MEB back...but he told his 1st Line (the SGT that is "in charge" of him who just so happens to be a Medic by trade) that he just wanted to be left alone and not be required to do the fun day things that they have the WTU do because he just doesn't like people anymore and crowds contain people.  Way to throw up a red flag...but honestly, I do hope they have him see someone even if it delays the paperwork.  I can't make him, but they can.  He's a sensitive (not that way), easy to stress guy and I've been privy to only a few things he experienced downrange...very little of it good.  I know it's affecting him more than he let's on.  Especially when he's said quite a few times lately that he's glad the eldest screamer is deaf and the youngest screamer's eyesight isn't the greatest because it means they are/will likely be exempt from service.  Definitely not the same Hooah guy he was pre-deployment.

On a lighter note...this upcoming move is letting me get a better idea of things to keep, things to sell and things to just toss.  I do have to point out however that we Americans love walls...even when they are useless and take away from the living space in the house.  That's one thing I miss about the place in Germany...walls had a purpose and weren't merely there to be there.

And now I leave you...gotta get some acceptable clothing on and make a run to UPS and the Post Office...these boxes won't mail themselves!!

More No News...

Soldier's diagnosis is pretty well complete.  Five (5) herniated disks...two in the neck, three in the lower back.  Moderate spinal curvature (and not in a good way) and possibly some (hopefully) temporary nerve damage.  Yay us!

No news on a "you're headed Stateside" date...the new system does that now, sends Soldiers back to the States to MEB out...fine by me!  Although I will miss my Doners, Eis and real schnitzel.  I won't miss the lovely goings-on that the Post has happening...like cutting off the hot water and heat at night to "save money/energy" (said with a mocking laugh, btw)...yeah, you read that one right.  The damn heat was on ALL summer, with the exception of the two warm (80's) weeks we had in September...now, the temps are hitting mid to lower 40's at night and mid 50's during the day with a wind that blows straight the f**k through the not so weatherproofed windows...no heat.  Nice.

Anywho...we await dates, which we won't get until mid-November at the earliest.  Either way, the Brown Dog and the Black Cat will have to find new homes...can't fly with us if the temp is 45 or below and as much as I love them, I don't see us forking over $1500 to fly them via PetAir to the States.  That conversation with the Screamers went over like a brick.

There's an update...scarce as it is.

The What Ifs...

we all have them. What if I had done this instead of that...blah, blah, blah.

The what ifs are really bugging me right now. This week we take the oldest screamer to the ENT to get a second opinion/final diagnosis. I don't even know yet if the hearing loss is genetic or birth trauma...but I have a sinking feeling it's the latter. His entrance into this world was wild and quick....once the doctor got there and the nurse stopped pushing him BACK IN....that's right, you read that right. Ten minutes of my body trying to push him out with the nurse pushing him back in. So I'm left to wonder, exactly what the f**k she was thinking...just catch, that's all you had to do...catch.

Anyway, you can see (I hope) why the what ifs are bugging me. What if I had just gone with my initial reaction and kicked the b***h in the face and delivered the boy myself? What if the doc had taken longer to get there? If it isn't birth trauma, what if it's genetic? What if the youngest screamer starts having issues? (I know the answer to the last two...but they run around my brain all the same)

What ifs suck...in more ways than one.

Adding a New Dimension...

to the preps...ladies and gentlemen, I am now the parent of a "special needs" child. Funny how one little visit to the doc and one little test can take you from being the parent of a somewhat normal, happy, healthy kid into a googling the medical terms maniac.

The oldest screamer was diagnosed with bilateral permanent hearing loss (lower decible levels) a couple of days ago. Meaning: Hearing aides for the rest of his life as the condition (whether genetic or caused by birth trauma, at this time unknown) is irreversible by medication and/or surgery. Oldest screamer is 6. We do not yet know what kind of hearing aides (digital or analog) Tricare will pay for, or the full extent of the loss...have to get into the ENT for a consult and go from there.

But this means a whole new level for prepping. Specialized batteries, cleaning and care of stuff, etc. On top of that, I've pulled out the ASL book for a restart in lessons for the whole family this time. Basic signs for youngsters and us adults for now, then onto more intense stuff. Why? Well, because the condition MAY be progressive/degenerative, because I want to be able to talk to my child should the worst happen and finally, because it's the smart thing to do. Silent communication. Why not.

So....

we totally thought we'd be able to swing it without a car. And we were!! UNTIL....it came to light that the oldest has some pretty big hearing issues which will require treatment at a medical facility that our post no longer has a shuttle to...go figure! Alas, we are now absolutely going to have to do the whole car purchase thing.

Yes, the public transit rocks it...but with the oldest screamer now in DoD school (and loving it, totally thriving) the extreme timing between buses and trains will make it a bit ugly on days that treatment is scheduled. So, I am studying up for the test since I can't just renew my now expired license because it's been expired for over a year. Not stressing though, the test is pretty doggone easy in my previous experience.

Speaking of dogs...we broke down and got the youngest screamer a dog. But nobody tell her that, she's under the impression she belongs to me. English Cocker that now goes by the name Brownie. I wanted to name her Snack but the Spouse nixed that. Oh well...she's here and doing really well.

Oh my dear flooded friends, I am sorry...we have your weather and you have ours. The sun was stunning all week last week here...but never fear, the usual clouds have moved back in and it's been raining off and on the past few days (more off than on). Hope you dry out very soon and the damage is repairable.

Now, I'm off to fix some lunch...since I totally skipped breakfast in my hurried need to get stuff unpacked (yay for finally getting our stuff) and my bed put together!!