Unthinkable...

I have done the unthinkable. No, not picked up and walked away from the mess around here (I did say unthinkable, that's always a thought)...I took the oldest screamer to 'Kindergarten Roundup' tonight AT HIS REQUEST.

Yes, I realize he is five. Yes, I realize what I have done. He's not registered yet...there is the 'placement' test first. No worries there, my boy will blow them out of the water. He did tonight. Not to brag at all...it's the truth. He left several aides and two teachers with their mouths hanging open when he A.) gave them the complete playground rules before they asked B.) spelled his name for them without a pause C.) colored a very colorful version of Sponge Bob, then wrote out the word Sponge Bob as I spelled it to him and told them that he dreams in color so his Sponge Bob is colorful and not just yellow (gotta love 5 yr old logic).

The kid is a sponge (like most start out being) and got it into his stubborn little head (thank you Mom...intense sarcasm there) that he NEEDED to go to "school in a building"...I said fine, knowing full well that the first time the school tries to tell me he is too hyper that's the end. I will jerk his not hyper butt out of there so fast their bobble heads will pop right off. He is five...that is what five year olds do...get crazy, play, pretend, talk, not pay attention, etc.

I'm disgusted by two things already...well one really but it's two things about that one thing that drive me batty.

"Recess" (and I use that term VERY loosely) is two 15 minutes sessions. Two 15 minute sessions. I'll repeat that once more for those that skipped the first two times or simply can't believe what they read...two 15 minute sessions. One in the morning, one in the afternoon. Oh, did I mention that this is an all day kind of thing? Yeah...what happened to half days?

Anyway, in these two 15 minute sessions the boy and his classmates will either play outside on a playground OR play in the gym with weather demands. During these two 15 minute sessions there will be approximately 100 (see that? 100) children supervised by 2 teachers. 2 teachers. I will not repeat that since it makes my stomach twist. It should be noted that there are class aides, but I heard no mention of them in the supervisory roll. You can see where my problem lies, right?

My child is the most accident prone creature I have ever in my life met. He had his first set of stitches due to an accident BEFORE he was a year old (did you know that a waxed candle wick can and will pierce and rip skin? I didn't until then). His second Christmas (first walking Christmas) he sported a massive black eye for all the pictures and went by 'Bruiser' for the two weeks that followed. The boy has been to the ER more times in his short 5 years than I've been my entire life. Now, the past two years (almost) have been good, no ER visits since the battery swallowing episode. But still...you have to see why I'm a little iffy about 2 teachers.

Let's not even get into the whole 15 minutes of exercise. Excuse me, you will not be able to contain my child with so little exercise. I really do apologize ahead of time for the trouble it will cause you dear teachers...no, not really. You ask for it when you ask a five year old to sit in a chair and be a worker ant. Newsflash: You have your work cut out for you if you intend to crush that kid. He won't be crushed, his Momma won't let you drug him...you, my friends, are SOL. Good luck trying to make him fit the mold. I can't even get him to write his alphabet in order...the letters are all there, just scattered all over the page like a giant find-a-word puzzle.

I've had this child with me for five (LONG) years...I'm sorry that he wants to go, but I won't deny him the opportunity to see. I don't have it in me. He's so different from his little brother that it is night and day. The youngest will probably never ask to go, but I won't tell him no either should he want to. The oldest has always rushed into life headlong heedless of direction...he is a true force of nature that will not be denied.

So it is with great sadness (and a fake smile, as exampled tonight) that I relinquish my oldest child to these people. These people that will not enjoy the wonder in his eyes when he learns something new, not the way that I do. These people that will try to make him be something he isn't. I know that I can say NO. But I take the blame in saying yes...and hold out hope that he hates it, though I know he won't. I take comfort in knowing that I am giving him an opportunity (for what I don't know yet) and that it's only until December (one way or another).

(It should be noted that the spousal unit is incredibly torn up about this. He is scared for the fearless one. I'm not so scared as disappointed that he wants to go...after all he didn't get the idea from me.)