we all have them. What if I had done this instead of that...blah, blah, blah.
The what ifs are really bugging me right now. This week we take the oldest screamer to the ENT to get a second opinion/final diagnosis. I don't even know yet if the hearing loss is genetic or birth trauma...but I have a sinking feeling it's the latter. His entrance into this world was wild and quick....once the doctor got there and the nurse stopped pushing him BACK IN....that's right, you read that right. Ten minutes of my body trying to push him out with the nurse pushing him back in. So I'm left to wonder, exactly what the f**k she was thinking...just catch, that's all you had to do...catch.
Anyway, you can see (I hope) why the what ifs are bugging me. What if I had just gone with my initial reaction and kicked the b***h in the face and delivered the boy myself? What if the doc had taken longer to get there? If it isn't birth trauma, what if it's genetic? What if the youngest screamer starts having issues? (I know the answer to the last two...but they run around my brain all the same)
What ifs suck...in more ways than one.
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